Stop Bullying in Our Schools

Florida legislature has failed to pass the significant anti-bully law that would clearly define what bullying is and what can be done about it. This law, perhaps one of the best written, would protect school children and school employees from bully behavior and harassment on school property, including busses, and over the internet. The bill would also not be misconstrued to limit anyone's fundamental First Amendment Rights.

I'm not sure why it didn't pass. Is it because some lawmakers think schools can handle bullying just fine on their own? Do they think bullying is just harmless schoolyard teasing?

Here are some statistics, lifted directly more or less from this PDF on the website BullyPolice.org:

• From the FBI: Victims of bullies are responsible for 3 out of 4 school shootings.
• 1 out of 13 kids under 19 commits suicide, many due to bullying. This rate has tripled over the past 20 years.
• 3 out of 4 students have reported being bullied.
• 69% students believe schools handle bullying poorly.
• Each month, over 250,000 students report being attacked.
• The National Education Association reports that more than 160,000 students stay home from school because of bullying.
• Students who are repeatedly bullied are more prone to suffer depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and thoughts of suicide.
• Since 1992, 25 school violence events have left 50 people dead and 119 injured. Rich long, Brigham Young University professor of communications, has found "that a child being bullied, taunted or rejected seemed to create a need for active revenge."
• A Secret Service study of school shootings found that almost 3/4 of the school shooters were bullied, persecuted, threatened, attacked or injured by other students prior to their action, the bullied then becoming the bully.

Anyone who thinks that schools are able to handle bully problems adequately, or that parents don't do enough, read this letter from the parent of a bullied child, also from the same PDF:

"I am very interested in your quest to make the schools a safe environment for our children. I have a 15 year old son in the Montgomery school system who has been bullied for the past 3 and half years. I have exhausted all means of getting any relief from all school officials. I have run backwards and forward to the school, dealing directly with the principal, and I've written the superintendent. Needless to say, I haven't heard a response from him either.
These people know when you're not able to afford an attorney, so they don't worry about it. I was told by a police officer that the reason nothing had been done was because these boys bullying my son were "jocks". Anything I can do to be helpful to other parent facing this same dilemma, I'm willing. And any advice you can give me in my situation will be greatly appreciated. My son has tried to commit suicide twice because of this and I've even shared this with the principal and the superintendent. I'm now in the process of looking for attorneys who will take the case on contingency."

This is just one letter. But I'm willing to bet that if you asked parents of bullied children, or the bullied children themselves or adult victims of school bullying, you would hear much of the same thing. Conducting an internet search on "bullying" will yield hundreds of results, testimonies and horrifying statistics, including stories of real suicides.

I don't necessarily want to blame schools for not doing enough by forcing laws upon them. We expect them to do too much as it is on meager salaries. After reviewing the failed Florida anti-bully law, it appears that this law doesn't penalize or unduly burden school officials. In fact, it makes their jobs easier as the law clearly spells out what bullying is and is not, and allows schools to take distinct action without infringing upon anyone's rights, or receiving punitive action from angry parents who think their kids do no wrong. It also safeguards our teachers who are increasingly getting bullied themselves....from their own students!

My Experience
I have a strong personal investment in this. I myself experienced severe bullying, both verbally and physically, from grade 5 up to my junior year of high school. I was a gifted child, particularly in the arts, and frequently received A's on my report card. I learned to read early. I loved school, I loved learning, especially history, music, visual arts and anything to do with language. The future was bright. Aside from some ADD symptoms (which weren't understood in those days) I was on my way to becoming a bright, promising, happy child with a productive future.

The bullying started when 2 fellow students, both boys (we all were no more than 7) beat me up not more than a half mile from my home. One threatened to bash my skull in with a rock as the other boy held me down. He was talked out of it by the other boy so they "wouldn't get in trouble." I don't recall ever talking to these two boys, but knew they were in my 5th grade class. My mother was horrified that two boys would do this to a small girl.

After that day, my parents tried to talk to their parents, only to be told "boys will be boys" and there was nothing they could do. The school also did nothing. From there I entered 6th grade and middle school, where it escalated to an unbearable, daily barrage of verbal and physical assaults from most of my classmates. Most of the kids were afraid of the two boys and they had a lot of tough friends who saw to it I remained a target. My grades suffered tremendously. I cared nothing for my appearance and alternated between wanted to disappear or die.

Teachers, again, proved to be of no help. Since I was in such a state most teachers assumed I simply did not care. I felt terribly alone. I withdrew completely from my home life which caused my parents great distress. There was absolutely no joy I found in being a kid anymore. I had a few friends back then, some I have still, they were the only bright spots in my life.

High school was more of the same and in some ways worse. I thought about suicide. Teachers were even worse now as many showed open disdain for me and went so far as to belittle me in front of entire classrooms full of laughing kids, or just outright ignore me. I started skipping classes to hide in the art room; the only place I could get some peace from all the constant kicking, poking or spitballing that happened if I sat in a classroom chair for too long.

I was not the only one. There were many kids like me; the chunky ones, the ethnic ones, the effeminate ones, the smart ones, the awkward ones, the unfashionable ones. Some got smaller degrees of bullying, others, like me, got the full frontal gamut. Some kept lists of the ones they wanted to take revenge on. A few talked about weapons. Violent retribution fantasies were not uncommon, and I admit to having them myself.

For some reason, things quieted down in my senior year. Perhaps it was the music I was listening to: a steady stream of punk rock and new wave that kept me sane and released my anger. Maybe it was the reconnection to my art, which was long denied me because my grades were so horrible I was not allowed by the school to take art classes. Perhaps it was my group of friends, a fellow bunch of misfits who tagged together and were in many ways my solace and salvation. Whatever it was, I made it. Kindof.

I suffered depression much into my early 20's. I still have a hard time trusting people and I am deathly afraid to speak in public. I felt stunted somehow, cheated, like something was stolen from me. I worked long and hard to overcome the pain of those days. It was very real and palpable. Tell me: should any child have to be forced to go through what I went through?

What We Can Do
So, now that you've read through all this uncomfortable personal stuff, here's what you can do to help. If you are a parent or a teacher, you have the power to help a bullied child, and to stop bullying behavior in a child. Here is a small list of websites that specifically address bullying:
BullyPolice.org
The Wounded Child Project
The Broken Toy Project
Jared's Story
Bullying.org

Also, websites that fight hate and condone the passage of anti-bully laws in schools are:
Anti-Defamation League
Human Rights Campaign

If you are an adult survivor of childhood bullying, or you were once a bully yourself and want to make up for it, you can contribute to these sites through donations or sharing your story. If you have kids of your own, you owe it to them to fight for their right to be able to go to school without fear. If your child exhibits bullying behavior, please don't ignore it. Take action now. Write your political representatives if your state has failed to enact anti-bully measures. Get involved with your schools. Be an advocate. Learn to reprimand bullying behavior so your child doesn't grow up to be an adult bully, and one less kid can live in fear.

Also, I advocate teaching children martial arts or basic self-defense. This can be controversial. But martial arts isn't about learning how to kick ass indiscriminately, it's about discipline and self-defense. I urge parents to shop around for a decent martial arts or self-defense class. My young relative has a living room full of huge trophies, and kids who gave him crap before are going to think twice about doing it again.

That said, I intend on getting more involved myself. I resisted writing this because it's such a personal thing and it's far behind me in many ways. But it causes me great pain to think that many kids are going through today what I went through many years ago, and it's my duty to speak up and not be silent.

A frightened child cannot learn. Every child deserves the right to an education free from verbal abuse, harassment and threats of violence. No child should ever feel alone, helpless or that they deserve this fate, ever!

"Do you remember back in high school
That kid we all picked on?
No one backed him, ever liked him
He carries that with him today."
--"Fatty", by the Street Dogs

In memory of Brian Deneke.

illustration by moi!

Thanks, herpes girl.

Dear Anonymous via my now deleted review of a Street Dogs show:

Yeah, thanks for spreading some of your virtual virus over my way in the form of nasty little outbreaks....er, I mean "comments".

Hey, it sucks, and I'm sorry. I woudn't wish it on anyone (well, almost anyone!) But I'm not a big fan of being part of your war, which apparently you spend just about every waking moment of your life waging, judging by the site I just visited. I just like the band, that's all. I have nothing against anyone in the band. I don't mind a negative comment or 2, but yours is straight up defamatory and disgusting, true or not.

Best of luck to you. But please think a little harder about including strangers like me who don't even know the guy personally (and I have friends who do) and just want to enjoy one of the best freakin' bands on the planet right now.